


I need time

by TheSSChestHair



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 06:49:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8152847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSSChestHair/pseuds/TheSSChestHair
Summary: some season 6 angst. Keeping secrets is never good.





	

He finds himself with a strong sense of déjà vu. He’s been through this before; played this game with her before. But this time there’s something different.

She’s pulling away from him again. Shutting him out. He’s used to it by now, but after all that has happened between them, he finds his patience growing short at her reluctance to trust him.

Only this time it’s not harsh words and a cold shoulder.

She has moments where she’s vacant. Off in her own little world and staring straight through whatever her sight is focused on. When he brings her back to reality, he can see her physically shrinking back into herself. She shrugs it off and changes the subject, pulling forth the closed-off version of Emma that’s all business.

Just when he thinks he’s finally going to go against all of his codes and confront her; force her to open up to him, she bounces back.

She becomes overly affectionate, constantly touching and kissing him; smiling as if she hasn’t a care in the world. She blows off patrol and holds him hostage on the couch, threatening to pour away his good rum if he even thinks about moving from their tangled embrace. She laughs as she accidentally smears ketchup over his stubble as she feeds him fries and he can’t bring himself to ruin these moments when she’s so carefree and loving. Her smile lights up his world and he swears to himself he’d never take that look off her face no matter what troubles loom over her.

It’s when she begins blowing off her responsibilities that he begins to truly worry. When she’s desperate for them to remain curled up in bed rather than answer Regina’s messages for help that Killian realizes something is truly wrong. This isn’t like her.

He tries. He knows approaching the subject can go one of two ways: end with her reluctantly opening up or pushing her further away.

It’s the latter.

As soon as he questions her, her face changes. She shuts down, becomes indifferent and irritated. Rushes to put on her jacket and shoes and announce she’s off to work and is closing the door on his apologies and pleas to talk.

Emma becomes even more isolated.

She’s home late, throwing herself into helping the visitors from another land, avoiding his attempts to meet for lunch and dinner.

It makes him angry.

He begins to dish it back.

His replies are short and direct. He either pretends to be asleep when she comes home or waits until she’s asleep before entering their bedroom. It’s become a competition; A petty game of tit for tat that’s left them acting like strangers within their own home.

But Killian is a weak man when it comes to love and he can’t keep it up for long. He turns towards her most nights, holding her close as she slumbers and letting his prayers for her to confide in him seep through the bed linen.

She makes him angry but by god he loves her too much, and worries terribly for her when she’s like this.

 

Like all things that reach boiling point, they overflow.

 

They lay in silence; a blue glow giving the room minimal illumination.

She’s sad today.

Nothing particularly important happened; but for some reason she’d been full of sorrow and he could tell.

He doesn’t like the thought of her going to sleep upset.

“You know I love you.” He confessed to the silent room.

“Killian, not now.” She sighs in response.

She sounds tired. But he refuses to give up.

He turns to face her back and winds his arm around her waist, bringing his chin to rest on her shoulder.

“I’m here, Emma. I’ll never stop loving you.”

“I said knock it off!” She demands with aggression.

She’s pushing him off her and climbing out of the bed, storming out of the bedroom and down the stairs.

He sits there.

Stunned.

Hurt.

Ashamed.

Angry.

He’s been the victim of Emma’s refusals before but never to this extent. Her aggravation cuts him deeper than any blade.

He dresses and heads downstairs and finds her sitting at the kitchen table with her head in her hands. A small part of him begs to go to her and plead with her to let him in, but the display she gave minutes ago remains fresh.

“You can go back to bed now if you wish. I’m going to go.” He can’t hold back the bitterness in his voice, pushing through from the amount of hurt thrumming within his chest.

She looks up, alarmed at his voice.

“You’re leaving.” She states as if she were trying to comprehend his words.

He stops at the door and turns to her.

“I think it’s best. It’s abundantly clear you can’t stand being anywhere near me.” He swallows; holding his upset as well as he can. “I’ve given you time, love. But now I think I need some time too. When you’re ready to let me in-”

“How dare you!” she shouts.

“I’ve tried, Emma. I really have.”

“Tried what? Pushing me? Harassing me? Forcing me to talk about things I don’t want to talk about?”

”I thought we’d gotten past this long ago but clearly we’re not. You want to cut me out that’s fine-”

“Oh! So it’s okay for you to shut me out, right? Hide your history with Ursula from me, what about your deal with Gold? That’s all acceptable but I’m not allowed to keep something to myself? What gives you the right?!”

It’s a low blow and she knows it as soon as she sees his face drop.

He remains quiet, his eyes burning through her.

“I’ll be on my ship.”

The door closes behind him and the dam breaks.

Emma’s sobs fill the deathly silence within the empty house.

She curses herself; furious at the way she let herself hurt him in her fear of confiding in him instead.

She didn’t know how she’d let things get this bad.

It killed her everyday, knowing the inevitable was coming and being unable to do anything about it. She’d panicked at first, unsure of how to deal with her burden. She’d changed tactics with her feelings and began to savor them.

Savor him.

She tried to treasure every moment and make every memory count. She should have known he’d see right through her desperation; Killian could always read her like a book and he wasn’t stupid.

So she’d retreated again. Thrown herself into her work in hopes that when the inevitable did happen, the blow wouldn’t be so hard if she were emotionally withdrawn from everyone beforehand.

But the nights were the worst. She’d heard every whisper, felt every caress from him and it killed her. It was too much. Knowing that someday soon she was going to rip away his happy ending tore her apart.

And tonight she couldn’t do it anymore. She couldn’t lie there and pretend everything was fine while this wonderful man that meant the world to her, cried out for her love.

Instead she’d reverted to her old ways and done what she does best; pushed him so far away that he’d walked out.

She didn’t blame him.

But she knew as soon as that door closed that she’d made a mistake.

She needed to tell him.

She wanted to tell him.

Wiping her swollen eyes, she got up from the table and made her way upstairs.

Emma sent him a text message telling him that tomorrow they would talk.

She ran herself a hot bath and washed away the tears and anguish in her; hoping that the hot water would somehow wash away her walls too.

She dressed herself in one of his shirts and lay on the bed, suddenly feeling the size of the damn thing.

She’d give him tonight, neither one of them was in a fit state to talk, but tomorrow she would tell him.

She’d open up and leave nothing out.

 

* * *

 

Killian felt nervous as he walked up the porch steps the next morning. There were so many ‘what if’s’ running through his mind he almost turned around and took the coward’s way out. But he knew Emma was taking a big step and he wouldn’t dare insult her by refusing to show. This meant a lot to her and it meant a lot to him. He’d finally get some answers as to what was going through that head of hers.

Opening the door, he stepped in hesitantly. Emma rose from the couch and shuffled towards him. There was a pause before she was reaching for him and pulling him carefully into an embrace.

He melted into her arms, holding her with equal care.

“Killian, I love you.” She murmured.

“I love you too.”

They remained in their embrace, pulling each other tighter and letting their arms say all the apologies they needed.

“I really, really love you.” She pleaded, causing him to crack a bittersweet smile against her neck.

“And I, you, Swan.”

She pulled back and gave him a smile, feeling somewhat lighter when he returned the gesture.

She took his hand and led him to the couch, sitting them both down.

Killian waited silently, watching her gather herself. She held his hand tight as he gave it an encouraging squeeze.

She looked up into his eyes and held his gaze as he held his breath.

“There’s something I need to tell you.”


End file.
